Woolgathering

La Vérité – Mes pensées. 

S'il me posait la question, je lui répondrait : Oui, je suis à tes pieds. Comment cela aurait-il pu en être autrement ? Tu as l'intelligence, la beauté, la douceur, la gentillesse, et ton regard n'est pas passé au travers de moi comme au travers de la brume. Tu m'as vue, m'as prêté attention. Je n'ai personne d'autre à aimer, et l'amour que j'ai en moi, autant qu'il serve à quelque chose… Je sais que de ton côté, tu ne peux rien pour moi. Il y a une différence entre aimer bien et aimer tout court. Si je ne savais pas cela, j'aurais déjà tout fait pour t'appartenir. Mais qu'importe. Ne pas vivre d'un amour n'empêche pas de vivre…

Night-Dream.

When he arrived, I was reading some papers that I had to bring to my mother. He felt very comfortable and began to say hello to everybody. I didn't remember having told him to come, but I felt glad he did; so much that to hide my stupid pleasure smile, I kept my face into the papers.

And so he came behind me and, as to read with me, he bent to near my face and strangely, he rested the cheek against mine, the head on my shoulder…

I felt his warmness and heard his breathe, but it lasted only a few seconds, then, he told me "hello young lady" with his so funny crooner's deep voice in which I always drown and he turned to me and put a soft kiss down my flushed cheek. I replied with a little "hello" and I returned the kiss.

Then, everything went so quickly that I don't really remember what happened after this moment. However, I know that we met in the dark corridor, and as everybody enter the room, he took my hand and led me aside. "Mary, I can't wait anymore!" and he kissed me in this kind of way you would remember seventy years later. "In the end, my hopes are filled" thought I, and we kissed again, and again, and once more for the happiness we felt! It was both tender and intense, sensual and savage, passionate and reserved… We had been waiting for such a long time!

I would love this to be more than a dream...

The phone rang. One time. Then, it stopped.

It meant that he wanted I call him.

I composed the phone number. He answered immediately. 

-         Yes?

-         Mary's speaking.

-         Hi! How are you?

-         Fine

-         Err… I'm sorry for Thursday! I was with your brother and I wanted to make him a joke and made him believe I would call you…

-         How funny…

-         Oh! Excuse me! No resentment?

-         Yes, I have! You see me just like a little toy, an object to provoke my brother, and I would have to be happy?

-         I don't see you like that!

-         Yes, you do! You began a month ago, and you have continued, he told me! And now, you make me be your accomplice! I refuse!

-         I don't see you like that!

-         Really? And how do you see me then?

-         You're a friend's sister!

-         My brother's sister… Nothing else, like every time, for everybody. You're a sod! You made me believe I was important, I was somebody special, not only your friend's sister!

-         Oh! Mary! Excuse me! I… It's just I'm…

-         You're what? Stupid? Yes! You are very stupid!

-         Mary! Listen to me! I'm afraid! Don't you love me anymore?

-         Did I have to love you before?

-         I hoped you do…

-         You… You what?

-         I love you Mary! I didn't show you, 'cause I was scared to lose your brother's friendship, but I can't act anymore as if I was indifferent to you…

-         You're lying! I can't believe you! You tell me that to seduce me! How can you be proud of that?

-         Believe me! Please! I'm sure you have the same feelings as mine; can't you forgive me for my stupidity, last night? I wouldn't have to tell you that… I know that I have hurt you! I'm so sorry!

-         … 

Then, I have forgiven him, because I didn't really bear him a grudge... Our story began, under my brother's supervision, but we didn't care… 

I would love this to be more than a dream... 

I was at the window, looking at the snow that was falling and giving a nice colour at the floor: white is so more beautiful than grey… Of course, my thoughts weren't only on the colour of some snowflakes… I was thinking at the guy who had to come here to meet me… I didn't really know him, but I felt he was someone very special and full of candour.

2:00 pm: the hour of the rendezvous, nobody.

2:30 pm: still nobody

I began to think that I would never see him go up the stairs. But suddenly, a hand on my shoulder made me jump…

"- Hi Mary! Oh! I'm sorry, I've surprised you!

- It's just that I didn't think that you would have arrived by this side… What's new? How are you?

- Fine! And you? You seem sad, is all okay?

- Yes… I think…

- Not sure?

- No… In fact… As you've asked the question… Maybe I can…

- Tell me what saddens you! You want us to go somewhere else? Perhaps we could go to the cafeteria, take a chair, a cup of tea and speak together of your worries?

- It's a good idea…

- So, let's go!"

Some minutes later, we were drinking our tea, or rather his tea and my coffee, and chatting of my "life" ; not of what made me be sad, but why I have never drunk a cup of tea…It must seem ludicrous, but in fact, it was a little what I hoped. Not exactly the conversation on "to drink or not to drink tea", but a conversation which didn't remember me my problems.

He staid with me a great moment, we have finally dealed with my feelings, but not too long, it was a subject so boring…

We have laughed, I have cried, he has listened me, I have finished his cup, he has finished mine, we have become accomplices, not friends, it's quite different.

I would remember a moment like that for a long time

I would love this to be more than a dream...

We spend our afternoon together, in my upside down pram, driving and listening to Linkin Park, Evanescence, and all the great musics we adore both of us.

I didn't know he liked them. He didn't know I liked them. It was so wonderful to discover we had things in common...

I would love this to be more than a dream...

Some days ago, I was lain on my bed, dreaming at him, like most of the time, when suddenly , I heard someone speak downstairs.

It was a voice I knew so well that I got out of my bed quicker than in a hurry...

He was here! My beloved!

A few seconds later, I was well-dressed and waiting he arrived... When he came in my room and told me with his so great deep voice my name in a sigh, I was near to paradise! I wanted to give him a kiss, but he gave me one before.

We spent our afternoon together, like all the lovers do, and I fell asleep in his arms. When I awoke, he had gone away... He hasn't given me a phone number or something else, but I felt that our great moment wasn't the last... In fact, it was more a hope than a reality...

I would love this to be more than a dream...

At the end of the lunch, we went for a walk in the garden. We have spoken about all these things I have always thought at for a long time...

I could confide, I have finally found the confident I had missed so much...

I have finished in his arms, crying. He told me many things: some have made me feel better, much have hurt me, but I needed to hear them... I think...

I would like to spend more time with him... It would give me the will not to give up...

I would love this to be more than a dream...

"Okay, I can't deny anymore, I have asked you to still give me news, because I found you very nice, but I didn't think that you were like that... It's the reason why I don't reply to you, you bore me. I'm sure that you'll find nice people, who will become great friends, and with the ones you will live great moments! Have a good way Mary!"

In a perfect world, you would have been honest, with me, and with yourself...

I would love this to be more than a dream...

"Marie, who is she? She is small and slim. She has long brown hair. Her eyes are brown too. She is very sensitive. She is funny, and she likes laughing at me, but I know that it is also a way to laugh at herself. Sometimes, I think she is suicidal but she makes me soon realize that she would never commit suicide because she loves life."

Why does Nobody see me as I am?

I would love this to be more than a dream...

" I feel so well when you're around me. You make me feel so wonderful. How can I ignore this? I hope you feel the same, I hope you understand, I hope you don't care if it makes you leave me.

Tell me you won't change... You're so fantastic! "

In a perfect World, I would have told him...

I would love this to be more than a dream...